Have you ever been in a relationship in which you had one foot in and one foot out, never completely committing and never actually leaving? Or maybe you’re trying to leave but somehow you don’t quite get there? What does this type of relationship indicate and how can you resolve it?
According to Margaret Paul, Ph.D., there are significant reasons this is happening.
You’re holding on to hope.
One of the things that keeps partners going back over and over again is the hope that the other person will change—or that you can get him or her to change. However, unless both of you are receiving help in dealing with your individual issues, change isn’t likely.
It’s important to accept that you can’t make another person change—they change only when and if they want to, and if they receive the help they need to heal their underlying issues. Without real change occurring through each of you doing your inner work, the only reason to go back is if you can accept this person exactly as he or she is.
You’re stuck in a pull-resist system.
One of the reasons for the yo-yo relationship concerns the relationship system. If you are in a relationship in which one of you is needy and controlling and pulls on the other for attention, approval, or sex, and the other is resistant to being controlled by the needy partner, you might feel that you just have to get away. But once apart, the same system might not be operating, so you start to feel good around each other again.
Unless you have each been healing your end of this relationship system, you will find yourselves going right back into the same pull-resist system, with the same outcome.
You fear being lonely and not meeting someone else.
Often, the stress of a dysfunctional relationship leads to wanting to be alone, but once alone, the fear of being alone and lonely takes over. You tell yourself that you will never meet someone and you will end up alone your whole life, and that it’s better to be with your estranged partner than to be alone.
Again, without doing your inner work to heal your participation in the dysfunctional relationship system, you will keep recreating the same relationship over and over.
You’re not investing in the learning you need to do.
Even when there is a genuine connection between the two of you, but neither of you are doing the inner work to heal underlying problems. When this is the case, you might feel drawn to the relationship over and over, knowing at some level that this relationship could work if some healing occurred.
For the full article, visit MindBodyGreen.