Hi! Can share a little about yourself and what you do?
I am La’Toya Hart –I am a Motivational Speaker, Author, and Life Mentor. I help women overcome obstacles and transition from broke and broken to purposeful and paid.
Can you tell us about a significant heartbreak and how you recovered?
I broke off my engagement and walked away from a seven year relationship in 2005. The relationship was turbulent; however I was devastated when it ended because I had a deep desire for a fairy tale love story with a happy ending. I wanted to be married and I was so close to having the one thing every girl dreams of – her magical wedding day. The road to recovery was very difficult. Initially the days seemed longer and filled with emotional highs and lows. I felt like the world was crumbling around me and I considered going back. Fortunately I did not.
Writing became my outlet. I began to write about all the things that scared me, all the things that prevented me from moving forward and I also wrote about my reasons for leaving the relationship. Writing helped me keep track my progress – it also helped me put things into perspective. My breakup journaling helped me dump the junk and get rid of the clutter, which clogged my mind. I rediscovered my faith and became committed to dating ME. Journaling allowed me to shift my mindset, which ultimately set me free to move forward and follow my dreams.
What are major red flags for you when you start dating someone new?
The most significant red flags when you start dating someone are the following:
•Challenging your morals and values
•Moving faster than you feel comfortable with
•Lacking or poor relationships with family members
•Uncomfortable, easily angered, or unwilling to share details about the past
If you come across any of these, you should hear alarms!
What are your favorite mood elevators to uplift and inspire you?
My favorite mood elevators are exercising, listening to music, and writing, lots and lots of writing!
Do you stay friends with your ex? Unfollow or follow them on social media, etc?
You can be friend with your Ex after a breakup, however it is very rare. You cannot be friends with your Ex until your feelings are completely neutral – meaning you do not have positive or negative feelings when you think about him or hear his name. After a breakup it is extremely difficult to completely detach your feelings and get to that point where you feel nothing.
After a breakup you are fragile, the sight of a status update from your Ex will send you into a downward spiral, which will be a major roadblock to you moving forward. When the relationship comes to an end you must un-follow and block your Ex from all social media platforms. If that doesn’t work you should ban yourself from social media until you are healed. Remember, every single detail can derail your moving – forward process!
Any tips for our users on moving on from heartbreak?
Breakups are one of the most difficult things you will experience. You have the greatest chance of success when you have an amazing support team. Your team should include five trusted family members or friends that you can call when you are having a difficult day or just feeling blue. Most important they can also help you celebrate milestones along the way. Breakups are not a time to show how strong you are – they are the perfect time to be vulnerable.
You can connect with La’Toya Hart at: Instagram @iamlatoyahart and on her website www.latoyahart.com