Hi! Can your share a little about yourself and what you do?
Absolutely! We’re Ashley + Jenna of Eff Perfect, and we’re coaches + self-proclaimed recovering perfectionists on a mission inspire and empower women to love ourselves wholeheartedly, regardless of our imperfections.
Have you ever met someone and instantly thought, “Wow, this person is awesome, and I need to be her friend!” Like you just knew they landed in your universe for a reason? That’s what it was like when we met a couple of years ago. From our shared passion for supporting women in living their best lives free from perfectionism, the community of Eff Perfect was born. These days we’re focused on getting our imperfectly perfect message out into the world through our podcast, Middle Finger to Perfection, and our upcoming lifestyle product line.
Can you tell us about a significant heartbreak and how you recovered?
We’ve both had our hearts broken enough times to learn all the wrong ways to recover from a breakup. From partying and jumping into new relationships too quickly to denial and giving up on dating completely, we’ve covered all the what not to do’s. We ultimately learned that you can’t fast-forward through your feelings, no matter what crazy solution you try. These days we’re more focused on feeling and processing allllll the feelings through journaling, talking with the people we love, seeking out support from coaches and therapists, and rebuilding our relationships with ourselves. Add in a heaping helping of self-compassion for our imperfections, and you’ve got our best recipe to heal from heartbreak.
What are major red flags for you when you start dating someone new?
Oooh, such a good question! When it comes to partners, a big red flag for us is when someone is unwilling to be vulnerable and honestly talk about their feelings. And for us people-pleasers, it can be so tough to not lose ourselves in another person, so being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect or maintain our boundaries can be the perfect storm. When it comes to ourselves, we know something is off when we feel like we have to hold back or we can’t fully be ourselves in order for a partner to love us or accept us.
What are your favorite mood elevators to uplift and inspire you?
For Ashley, my go-to’s are solo dance parties, journaling, and spending time in nature. For Jenna, I love pulling an affirmation or tarot card, using my essential oils, and connecting with my BFF’s.
Do you stay friends with your ex? Unfollow or follow them on social media, etc.?
Personally, we need separation from our exes to fully heal. Shifting our feelings for a partner takes so much longer than ending the relationship itself, so we need time and space to work through the finality of that ending. That includes social media, too. For us, it’s a must to unfollow our exes. Otherwise, we end up torturing ourselves with stories about how “perfect” their lives are every time we see a post from them.
Any tips for our users on moving on from heartbreak?
For us, it comes down to reminding ourselves that this person, this relationship is not the barometer for your worth as a human being or your ability to create healthy relationships. No person or relationship can ever define your worthiness because you are inherently worthy. The truth is that learning to love ourselves — our imperfectly perfect selves — is the path to truly loving others and allowing them to love us back.