Hi! Can you share a little about yourself and what you do?
My name is Dorothy AB Johnson (@breakupcoachdorothy), I am a breakup coach who helps women turn their pain into power and their heartbreak into happy. Traditionally, when we are trying to get over an ex we go out, have some drinks with the girls, keep busy, read self help book after self help book. Pretty much we try to do as many things as we can that will make us feel better at that moment. What I found through personal experience and working with my clients is that when we make all these external changes we are treating the symptoms instead of the root cause. Rather than helping my clients treat symptoms I help them identify and address the root cause to generate feelings from within that produce results they want.
Can you tell us about a significant heartbreak and how you recovered?
July 10th, 2016 I went through the hardest breakup to date in my adult life. I had just moved across the country to live with my best friend and boyfriend of 7 years when suddenly it was torn right out of my hands. To make matters worse when I went to pick up my things a month after the breakup he was already dating someone else.
I had no say, the future I had dreamt of for so long and was so eager to start was literally ripped out of my hands.
Since then I went on the path of self-discovery, learning everything I could about how to move on from my ex and become the best version of me, a version I wasn’t even clear on. I wanted my dreams to come true but I didn’t even know what they were because what I thought I wanted was taken from me.
I finally learned the root cause of our pain when it comes to our heartbreak, my thinking, my false stories about what happened. I learned how to address and fix the root cause instead of treating symptom after symptom and I went from hating my ex to feeling overwhelmingly grateful for the experience and all it had created.
Since then, it’s been my duty to help individuals, experiencing the same pain and heartache to see that they are in control. They can feel better, forgive and let go. They can stop obsessively thinking about their ex and beating themselves up over it. Learning how to feel excited about their future again and create their dreams into reality.
What are major red flags for you when you start dating someone new?
I never look for red flags in a person. However… here are some behaviors I personally avoid:
- When I notice someone spending more time talking about others than about his aspirations and dreams I head the opposite direction.
- A couple of months into the relationship he is criticizing the way you look, how you dress, or how you behave.
- He can’t plan ahead … I don’t do last minute dates or get-togethers.
- It takes a long time for him to get back to me.
- He complains but doesn’t take any action to do something about it.
I personally have no time or patience for those types of behaviors so I get out real quick.
What are your favorite mood elevators to uplift and inspire you?
Thinking new things I’ve never thought before, dancing, music, old playlists, meditation, walks on the beach, the ocean, slowing way, way down.
Do you stay friends with your ex? Unfollow or follow them on social media, etc?
No. Typically we didn’t work out for a number of reasons and a lot of it has to do with not enjoying the same things so there has never been a reason to stay friends. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer for this as I’ve coached many clients who stay friends with their ex and many who do not. So specific to the individual.
Any tips for our users on moving on from heartbreak?
The number one mistake I see people moving on from heartbreak is telling themselves things that are not true, such as:
- He was my person.
- I just want to be with him.
- He never loved me.
The list goes on. The longer we tell ourselves false stories the longer the pain resides. And when that pain resides we try to avoid or resist it by staying busy or distracted. We need to process that negative emotion, sit with it, experience it.
Healing starts when you rewrite your story, to a story that serves you. How did that experience happen FOR you? Who is the woman that is completely over her ex? What does her life look like? How did she rise from the ashes? How is her life better than anything she ever had with him? When you go out and get committed about becoming that next version of you, you become her. And like I said the root cause to everything is your thinking, change your thinking and you’ll change your pain into power, your heartache into happy, and you’ll turn your dreams into reality.
You can connect with Dorothy on Instagram.